A Day in the Life of Bagsby Jones, Bull Dog P.I.

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Bagsby Jones, Bull Dog Private Investigator, was on the case!

He wrinkled his brow, sniffed the air, and vigorously kicked his hind legs.  He rarely took the time to relieve himself while on the job, but, this particular deposit had been necessary.  Call it an emergency that couldn’t wait, or, an accident waiting to happen; either would be true.  Feeling his tummy rumble, he grimaced, and vowed to pass by the next road kill.  Bagsby surmised it must have lain in the sun for too long.  He vowed the next time he came by such a find, he’d take it home to the cat.  He snickered at the thought.

Bagsby scanned the busy street, and was relieved to find that his target had yet to round the corner of Big Bills Butcher Shop.  He was so thankful the poop stop had not hindered the mission at hand, that he sent up a silent “thank you” to Pooch Heaven.

All four of Bagsby’s short, but muscular legs, carried his stocky, body towards the perfect hideout.  He had spent weeks watching and calculating the moves of the big guy, and Bagsby was confident this was the perfect place for the ambush.

Stifling a bark of laughter, Bagsby began to back into a small space between two large trash cans.  This maneuver proved difficult, as the space was quite small.  He grunted a cuss word, or two, and wiggled his booty back and forth, until he finally squeezed into the tiny opening.  Had it only been yesterday that he had been able to back in with ease?  Bagsby was baffled, until he remembered the road kill, and realized the tainted stuff must have given him gas.  A repetitious rumble, sneaked out his back door, giving credence to his assumption.  The confined space captured the ripe fragrance, and wafted it to his nose.  Bagsby curled his upper lip, scowled, and cursed the road kill, but then he thought about the cat, and smiled.

His mischievous day dream, of poisoning the cat, dissipated at the sound of a distant whistle.   Harmonious whistling had always preceded the big guy’s approach.  Bagsby, reigned in his thoughts to the task at hand.  He knew his target was close, so he tensed his body, and readied himself for the ambush.  Sure enough, the whistling grew louder as the target rounded the butcher shop.  After a moment he could hear the big guy’s footsteps, so he hunkered closer to the ground, in preparation for the attack.  Bagsby could barely contain his excitement.

“Wait for it…wait for it…not yet,” he chided….wait for it…wait… ”

Then it happened!  Shoe leather, and blue fabric entered his field of vision.  Without hesitation, Bagsby lunged his bull-dog frame forward, but his bloated body wedged to a halt.  The noise startled the big guy dressed in blue, and when he caught sight of Bagsby ricocheting between the two trash cans, he screamed, and ran down the busy sidewalk, dodging the passerby’s.

Bagsby feared his target would escape, but adrenalin and another slippage of gas propelled him forward, toppling over both trash cans.  He hit the ground running, booking it in the direction of the fleeing man.  When he was within striking distance he jumped with teeth bared and jowls flapping in the wind.

Bagsby came down on all fours, with a mouth full of leather.  Proud of his conquest, he vigorously shook the leather bag, spraying a cascade of stamped envelopes to the wind.  Bagsby dropped the satchel, sat on his haunches, and smiled.  He enjoyed watching the array of colors fall all around him.

After they had settled, Bagsby knew it was time for his finishing touch.  He waddled over to the leather bag, and for the first time, he noticed it had the big guy’s name stitched on the front.  Bagsby saddled up close, lifted his hind leg, and christened Mr. Newman’s mail bag.

Afterwards, he kicked his hind legs, and happily headed towards home, after all, he had a cat to feed.

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No reprieve in a dog’s life!

Road Trip to Maine: Day 1

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Inside “Oh Silver” waiting for AAA

My road trip to Maine started on an early 4:30 am, Friday morning.  To be honest, the alarm rang at 4:30, but of course I hit it and snoozed another 30 minutes.  Doesn’t everyone do that?

No time for a shower, became the consequence of sleeping away those 30 minutes, so I covered my “woody-woodpecker” hairdo with a baseball cap, kissed Corinne, patted our zoo animals, walked out, and closed the front door.  My lone vacation had begun.

You may be wondering why I’m traveling alone.  No, it’s not because I have no friends, in fact Facebook says I have 347 of them, the reason I’m the “lone-traveler” is simply because Corinne had to work and I didn’t want the “already paid-for vacation” to go to waste.  So, high oh silver away!  (too funny because the car is silver)

“What’s that…why didn’t I ask someone else to accompany me?”

Well, I guess, I figured everyone was too busy with their own lives.  Isn’t that the way of the world these days…?

Besides, I find myself to be damn good company!  (Spoken like a true introvert)

I cranked up “Oh Silver,” and backed her out into the rain that would accompany me most of the way.  (It’s okay…introverts like rainy days)

A couple of road accidents, (not mine) and a flat tire (yes…mine) turned my 10 hour drive into 14 hours.  I have to admit to being a little nervous sitting on the side of an extremely busy I-495.  The 18 wheeler trucks really had the little corolla “a rocking” as I sat there for 30 minutes waiting for AAA to come “a knocking.”

Finally a big white towing truck pulled up behind me, and what looked like a “Trump-Supporter,” stepped out, inspected my opened trunk, and then told me to “get out and unload everything.”

“Damn…” I thought, “He must have noticed my Hillary bumper sticker!”

Once I unloaded everything, he proceed to jack up “Oh Silver.”  Within the span of 4 minutes, he took off the flat, put on the “dough-nut” and told me I could put everything else back inside the trunk.

“Maybe he noticed my HRC bumper sticker…” I thought.   Regardless, I was extremely grateful for his service, so I handed him a twenty dollar bill, and he finally graced me with his elusive smile.

“Money, talks…” I thought, as I smiled back and wished him a good weekend. Back on the road, my “three-and-a-half” wheels eagerly ate the miles, toward a finish line that lay another 2 hours away.

Finally, I found myself at the abode that would be mine for the forthcoming week.  The room was definitely dated, with an outside entry and “real” key that hung from a key chain, instead of the usual card entry.  Opening the door, and looking inside, I found it dated as well, but it was clean, warm and inviting, and felt like heaven.

Before “hitting the sack,” I sat on the couch with a bowl of popcorn on my lap, a beer by my side, and The Andy Griffith Show on the television.  I took a deep breath and thought, “Life is good.”

 

(…to be continued…)

(I’ll probably bore everyone to tears, but I wanted keep a blog of my trip, in order to look back upon, in the future)

 

 

 

 

 

Well Now…Isn’t That Embarrassing!

(The challenge:  Write something using a one word prompt.  The word:  Embarrassing )

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Photo From Animal Planet

 

scene I:  subject (author) is alone writing a list of her most embarrassing moments

“Hmmm…what are my most embarrassing moments?  Several scenarios come to mind…but which to choose…which one to choose…?   Hmmm…let me think…okaaaaaay… maybe I could write about…

  • all the times I’ve barged into a room only to see someone naked
  • the time I was caught mooning my cousins
  • the time my grandma spanked my bare bottom
  • the time  I was bullied in kindergarten because my banana was too ripe
  • the time I couldn’t hold my water in second grade
  • the time my hand was smacked by the principal in second grade
  • all the times I wet the bed
  • the time I burst out crying in church because the pastor said Elvis went to hell
  • the time I was so scared that I forgot my memory verse and cried in front of the whole congregation
  • all the times I sat through sermons on homosexuality, knowing in my heart I was gay
  • the times in school when some bully said I had been beat with an “ugly stick”
  • the times I was bullied for having red hair and freckles
  • the time as a teenager, I parried an imaginary sword -in my underwear- across the baptistery, unaware of the on-going chapel service
  • the time I fell off the treadmill because someone flirted with me

AND…saving the best (or should I say the worst) for last…

  • the time I passed gas in church…unfortunate for me the chair was aluminum

 

scene II:  subject is still sitting alone and pondering

“I guess I could write about one or maybe a little something about all…should I or shouldn’t I…?  Nah…I’m just way too embarrassed for anyone to know.”

scene III:  subject gets up for more coffee…cat walks across lap-top accidentally pressing the “publish” key.  

closing scene:  fades to blush red

-Fin-

the chair

Participation in Daily Post

For all things creepy and paranormal visit my blog Creepy Reflections

 

Cornmeal Dumplings

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When I have a chance to reminiscence about the south, I always think about some mighty good cooking, and boy, could my mom ever cook!

 If you have a minute, come on with me and lets take a walk down memory’s lane:

“I can still r’member, rite good, them Sundays!  My mama would cook up a big ole supper for all us kids, and for anyone else who’d stopped by.   One things a’certin , my mama’s door was always open, and everyone  who walked through em know’d they were loved.  One of the ways she’d show us her love was feed’n us some mighty good food.    

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Duchess when she had two good eyes

I member one day when the preacher and the visiting, revival preacher came  over’n ta our house to eat some supper.  My mama cooked them turnip greens and cornmeal dumplings.  Well I was sit’n next to the preacher when he dipped his spoon in the bowl for his share.   He must a been familiar with the turnip greens, all right, but guess he’d never seen them cornmeal dumplings before; cause I heard him whisper, rite quiet like, to the other preacher, “Whats is this?”   Then, cause I had good ears back then, I heard the revival preacher whisper back, “…just shut up and eat it.”  Well, I’d never taken a liken to those corn meal dumplings either…so for once, I guess I agreed with the preacher.  

After supper those preachers seemed to be in a real big hurry to leave…something  about hav’n to pray for the revival meet’n that night…guess’n it were’t a’goin so good.  Wells anyway, they get to the car and  my little-ole one-eyed dog hauls off and bites the preacher right on his dern ankle.

My dog’s name was Duchess and she lost her eye cause a neighbor was drive’n too fast on the dirt road.  My dad, fixed Duchess right up by take’n her to the vet, and I loved him so much for doing that.  

Wells, them preachers, got in the car and they’d never did come back for supper.  Guess they’d didn’t like them cornmeal dumplings.”

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Me and mama hang’n clothes on the line

(Disclaimer:  Of course the story above was written tongue in cheek.  Some of it’s true and some of it’s not…but I ain’t a’bout to go tell’n which!)

(Recipe compliments of www.cooks.com)

TURNIP GREENS WITH POT LIQUOR
DUMPLINGS
2 lb. fresh young turnip greens
1/4 lb. salt pork or desired amount of bacon drippings
Salt to taste
Enough water to have 3 c. liquid when done
Dumplings
Clean and wash greens thoroughly. In a 3 quart saucepan combine salt pork, salt and water. Cover pan and bring to simmering. Add washed greens, cover and cook gently until greens are tender. Lift greens from liquid, drain and arrange on serving platter that can be kept warm. Arrange Dumplings as desired on dish with greens; pour liquid over to keep them moist and hot. Serve at once. Yield 3-4 servings.
DUMPLINGS:
1 c. corn meal
1/2 tsp. salt
2/3 c. boiling water
Pot liquor
Combine cornmeal and salt in a mixing bowl. Stir boiling water into cornmeal mixture and stir to blend well. Using a heaping tablespoon for each portion, shape into balls and place gently in boiling pot liquor from cooked greens. Replace cover; simmer slowly until dumplings are done (20-30 minutes). Remove from heat and let stand 10 minutes.

 

Visit my other blog Creepy Reflections 

By Land Or By Sea

Daily Prompt:  Tell us about the one luxury item you wish you could afford.

As an introverted writer, my mind and heart yearn 6a00d83451587d69e201b7c77ca9d6970bfor a quiet place of solitude to write my upcoming best selling novels.  

This special place would be filled with chirping birds, nesting or busying themselves searching for their next meal.  Big white puffy, clouds would be swallowed by a blue sky, and at night, its endless borders would be blanketed by a bright Milky Way.  Of course, this place of magic would also house my two dogs, Danica and Dolly, and my two cats, Morris and Luna. 0086f3b64a2898fb68f60b33af723bfbThe dogs would be sleeping by my side and the cats would be crawling over me and my computer vying for attention.  Oops…oh yeah…and my wife, Corinne, would be there too.  (Psssssttt…Please don’t let her know I forgot to mention her.)

Outside would be my very own secluded nook that would come with a small table, and upon that table would be a hot cup of coffee, cheddar scrambled eggs, grits, bacon, buttermilk biscuits, and Aunt Bessie’s homemade apple-butter.

However, the question that nags me is:  Will I want to enjoy my luxury by land or by sea?

Travel Images from Australia

If by sea, I and my wonderful family would charter our private yacht upon the bluest of blue waters.  Our little boat would carry us to harbors all over American where we could dock and  walk the streets of forgotten fishing villages.

 

Now, if by land, my log cabin would be nestled snug within the Blue Ridge Mountains.  There would be a small lake close by and on its shores staked a little brevenchatie_doma_22dingy, just waiting to take us out for a misty morn, fishing excursion.     Inside, the cabin would be warmed by an over-sized fireplace with a large oak mantle and hearth of  stone.   Directv would be a must, after all, Corinne has to watch her beloved Patriots win the Superbowl.

Geeeeez…BOTH scenarios have me drooling with open mouth.  How to choose?

Well, as long as my family is by my side either  would be a win-win!

 

Epilogue

Since writing the dreams above, reality called and I had to go outside to do some poop-scooping.  It was cold, but I was thankful for the frost as it froze the piles of poop, making them easier to shovel.  On about my fourth shovel full, I stopped short with this thought:

 Cleaning poop from the deck of a yacht sounds dreadfully unappealing.

I guess you could just toss it overboard but what about the leftover mess smeared on the floor?  Is it possible to boat-train older dogs?

I did a little research, thanks to Google, and discovered that yes, it is, indeed, possible.  All you need is a little patience and a section of AstroTurf or a box of sod.  Also, for the cats, it’s probably best to anchor their litter box to the floor of the boat.

So, still the question remains….By land or by sea?

 

 

Trump For A Day

MAGADaily Prompt:   I’ve decided to combine yesterday’s prompt with today’s prompt.  Why?   Simply because I had such a great idea yesterday but failed to put it in writing.  Lucky me, it just so happens that today’s prompt compliments yesterday’s prompt.   So, now that I’ve completely confused you, let me explain.

When both prompts are combined the wonderful mixture is as follows:

Tomorrow (December 31, 2015)  you get to become anyone in the world that you wish. Who are you?  Where were you last night at the stroke of midnight?  Would you want to be anywhere else? 

If I could be anyone in the world I would choose to be Donald Trump.  This metamorphosis would only last a day as I’m sure that’s as long as I could stand to live in his skin. And so, just as Cinderella, when the clock strikes midnight, I will return to my simple life of being wife, homemaker and writer.  I will find myself within the walls of our modest home nestled with the Shenandoah Valley.

With a wave of her wand and appologies on her lips, my fairy god-mother transforms me into Donald Trump.  As the Donald, I cement my hair with spray and proceed in haste to implement a five-fold plan.  After all, midnight comes quick when you’re spending someone else’s money!

So without further ado I pick up the phone and my plan is set in motion:

  1.   Trump often refers to African Americans as “the blacks” and  he deems them lazy and unworthy.  For that reason one million dollars will be donated in his name to 100 Black Men of America Inc.   This non-profit organization was founded in 1963 when a group of concerned African American men met to explore ways to improve their communities.  This organization seeks, “to serve as a beacon of leadership by utilizing our diverse talents to create environments where our children are motivated to achieve, and to empower our people to become self-sufficient shareholders in the economic and social fabric of the communities we serve.”
  2.  Trump states he desires a “…total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States” For that reason one million dollars will be donated in his name to the United Muslim Foundation   The UMF is a wonderful nonprofit organization that strives to provide “unity through community service and development.”  Made up of Muslims they provide services to the “needy at soup kitchens and shelters and works with local schools to provide reading incentives for children.”
  3. Trump’s pie-hole often refers to  immigrants as moochers and many Mexican rapists.  For that reason, one million dollars will be donated in his name to  The Immigrant Learning Center    The mission of this not-for-profit organization is “…to give immigrants a voice in three ways: provide free English classes to immigrant and refugee adults … educate the public on the ways that immigrants are assets to America, and support research that demonstrates the economic and social benefits of immigration.”
  4.  Trump frequently calls women “bimbos, fat pigs, dogs, slobs and disgusting animals.” For that reason, one million dollars will be donated in his name to Step Up   Step Up is a not-for-profit organization that seeks to propel “girls from under-resourced communities to fulfill their potential by empowering them to become confident, college-bound, career-focused,and ready to join the next generation of professional women.”
  5. Trump often talks about having “a good piece of ass.”  For that reason one million dollars will be donated in his name to Peaceful Valley Donkey Rescue Inc  This wonderful organization rescues thousands of abused and abandoned donkeys across the United States.  Once they are nurtured back to health each “ass” is then put up for adoption.

Well, there you have it…my day as Trump is approaching its end.  The clock is about to strike the midnight hour and by golly I find myself (as Trump) at Clinton’s New Year’s Eve party.  I  clink Hillary’s  champagne glass but before I (he) can kiss her lips…POOF…I become me once again and I kiss my wife and wish her a Happy New Year!  AND No…I wouldn’t want to be any place else.

Happy New Year Everyone!

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Corinne and I

 

Welcome To My World

Daily Prompt:  Write whatever you normally write about, and weave into the mix song titles. 

My response:  Welcome To My World

 

Luna punched my face with “The Eye Of The Tiger”  so I said goodbye to sleep, rolled out of bed and asked her, “What’s New Pussycat?”  She swished her tail, ran like like “Bat Out of Hell” and slid  into the kitchen like a “Wrecking Ball” of fur.

Like a “Zombie” I followed, but not as fast as she.  I stumbled to my Kurig with a slow “Locomotion” and got it to perk with “Good Vibrations.”

“After The Lov’n” of warm cup of Joe,  I gather the trash because it’s Tuesday.  “I Walk The Line” from door to curb and bid a “Bye, Bye, Love” to the trash, I laid and left it lying there like a “Refugee”  Back at the house I “Turn, Turn, Turn” to make sure no trash was a  “Blowing In The Wind.”

A pair of eyes, from a fat beagle dog, was busy “looking Out My Backdoor.”  I opened the door and said, “Hello Dolly” “You Light Up My Life” even though you ain’t nothing but a “Hound Dog.”

I caught my dingo, doing the “Boogie Ooogie” and “Rocking Around The Christmas Tree.”  She saw me watching, and grinned  as if the say, “The Bitch Is Back” and “Oops I Did it Again.”

I chuckled and said, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”…”Just Dance!”  Go ahead and “Party Like It’s 1999!”

“Welcome To My World”