Mother’s Day is difficult for me. Since it always falls on Sunday, I usually play hooky, so I wont have to put on the façade of “happy mom.” However, this Sunday was different. As fate would have it…or maybe God…this Sunday I was slated to help with communion service. So for that reason, I sucked it up, and went to church. “Let the acting begin,” I thought, as I walked through the door.
Now, you may wonder, why Mother’s Day is so difficult. Several reasons. One, my mom is dead, and yes I miss her, but, I also do tremendous guilt for not spending more time with her while she was alive. Two, I miss my own children, who live far away, and I also do tremendous guilt for decisions I made in the past…decisions that negatively impacted their lives. Some of those decisions needed to be made, but, none-the-less, I do guilt…and I do it well. I usually hear from them…a text or a call, but I can’t help but wonder how Mother’s Day would be if I’d only chosen a different path. It torments me.
On Mother’s Day I just want to crawl into a hole, but this year the hole sat empty, as I sat in church. Listening to the pastor’s sermon, something she said jumped out at me, and caught my attention. She said, “Sometimes, resurrection requires letting go.” She asked the question, and I paraphrase, “What is keeping you from experiencing true resurrection in your life? What are you holding on to, that needs to be let go?”
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Today, intellectually, I realize I need to let go of the past, but I’m discovering it’s not easily done. I guess, a good first step would be forgiveness. Somehow, some way I need to figure out how to forgive myself. My prayer is for God to show me the way. I’m sure it’s not something that’s said and done, but rather, something that must be practiced on a daily basis. I pray for God’s strength.
Just like a baby learning to walk, we have to let go, to move forward. More often than not, what we desperately cling to is toxic. If we fail to let it go, we begin a slow death that eats away our individuality, until we no longer recognize ourselves.
We all teeter on the precipice of transformation, but to get there we must let go.
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“Sometimes, resurrection requires letting go.” __Amanda Miller Garber
Redhead Reflections 
Good post Lisa. I feel the same on Mother’s Day. Don’t see my children much and although my mother is still alive, we don’t have a real daughter, mother relationship. I know I need to forgive her and myself before she passes or this might devastate me in some way. Keep your pen up!!
Thank you Karen! It is so hard…I’ll be sending prayers of healing your way too! Love you, my friend!
Thank you for your honesty. I feel much the same with my 20 year old. I am lucky to have him, he is ‘working’ on spending more time with me, while I learn to forgive myself. It is paying off. I am missing him less, knowing him more. I vow not to make the same mistakes with my five year old girl this time, I have a ‘second chance’ to prove that I can be a great single parent. I too must forgive myself, when the guilt comes so easily for me. I love your resurrection quote. My mom and I do not see eye to eye all the time, however I am lucky that I have her in my life along with our dynamic relationship. We send each other daily quotes this morning I will quote you. Take care and happy belated mothers day!
Oh wow…I am humbled…thank you so much ❤ It's good to know we're not alone in this struggle. I will be lifting you, your mom and children in prayer today. God bless you ❤
Just to be clear, the resurrection quote: “Sometimes resurrection requires letting go.” is a quote from my amazing pastor, Amanda Miller Garber. 🙂