Silence, the coward’s stamp of approval upon the wrong they choose to ignore.


“First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”

Pastor Martin Niemöller (1892–1984)


Now more than ever, we must open our mouths.

Repeat after me…  I. will. not. keep. my. mouth. shut!

(Daily Prompt-Filthy)

Vomiting All Over Facebook

Me. Sadness at the Holocaust Memorial in Boston.

I was told, by a family member, in a round about way, through social media, that all respect for me was lost.  Gone…

No, no names were used, but I knew…sometimes…you just know.

Why did they lose respect?

Because I used words like “Fuck,” “God Damn,” “Go to Hell,” in response to, what I believe to be, one of the worst mistakes America, has ever made, by putting Donald Trump in the White House.

Let me stop…right there…

…you may need time to digest the shitty meat taste in your mouth.  (Vegetal…?)

I know I did…

But here’s the thing, I really hate shitty meat, so instead of keeping it inside,  I spewed it out, all over Facebook, late Tuesday.  Yep, you get the picture…I vomited for the whole world to see.

Sometimes you have to vomit.  It’s good for the soul.

In that space, and in that time, I needed to do just what I did…in order to  keep some form my sanity.  I needed to lash out, I was mad as hell, angry and I can’t “just get over it.”

How can I get over a power that has the ability to rip my life to shreds?

You may have lost respect…and that’s okay….I understand.

Does it hurt?  Hell yeah, it cuts deep.

But you know what…it also hurt when my loved ones labeled me an abomination.

This past Christmas, hurt like hell, with sounds of silence.

It hurts when I’m not invited…  It hurts when I’m shunned, by those who claim to love me.

That’s not love…but rather religious hate.  Often it appears in the form of “Love the sinner hate the sin” or even worse, “Come out from among them, that they may be ashamed.”

If you love someone, you share your life with them…you eat with them…you laugh and cry with them, you don’t shut them out of your life because of who they love.  I want to be loved for me…for the me that’s always been…me.  I want to be included.  I want to have family reunions.  I want to sit around and talk about the good ole days.  I want to look at old pictures…I want to share stories about the best mama in the world…

I want…but I can’t.

I do apologize for the way I expressed my anger, but I will never apologize for my anger, for who I am, or for who I love.  It ain’t happening.

Before you judge…stand in my shoes…

What if you were told, as a heterosexual couple…”No…you can not marry who you love?”

That’s what I fear will happen to me, under a Trump presidency.

Freedoms will be taken away…but not for everyone…just a few.

Let it sink in….

…it’s not a good feeling…

Grace is Found in Hues of Gray


Recently, I had a family member express concern for my soul.  Their reason?  I’m a lesbian.

Now, first of all, I realize their concern is an expression of love, but I also know, they fear if they fail to warn me, then my blood will stain their hands, at the great white throne of God’s judgement.  I know this because, I too, once held to such belief.  I am aware of the almost unbearable pain this causes, and it makes me sad.

After a lifetime of being taught this, it ceases to be an opinion, and becomes a way of life, which is extremely hard to escape.  Everything in life, is governed by the philosophy of black and white, cut and dry, leaving no room for debate. There are no hues of grays, it’s either wrong or right, irregardless of what modern technology or science proves different.

For example, I Corinthians 6:9-10 names a long list of characters who have no hope of heaven.  Listed among these, of course, are homosexuals, but also listed are people who covet, adulterers, thieves and drunkards.  There’s a significantly longer list, found in Romans chapter 1, and it contains, people who envy, people who gossip, people who are proud, and even people who are disobedient to their parents.

May I be so bold as to say, everyone in the world, falls somewhere within these categories.  So, if taken literally, no one, it seems, should ever make it to the pearly gates, but that, my friends, is the point; and this point, is often missed because the reader becomes side tracked by the mention of the “sin” of homosexuality.

The point is, no one, absolutely no one, is worthy of Gods Kingdom.  To stress this, Paul in the same book writes, “There is no one righteous, no, not one…for all have sinned…”

Thankfully, the book of Romans doesn’t end upon this dire note, but instead it points the reader to one person:  Jesus Christ.  Jesus Christ, and what he means to all of mankind, is the sole emphasis of the whole book of Romans.  If you read the whole book, instead of picking scripture here and there, the conclusion is made that we are all “… justified freely by God’s grace, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus…Therefore we conclude, that a man is justified by faith without the deed of the law.”

Now, having written all of the above, I am aware there are arguments to be made.  My fundamental and evangelical friends pose some valid questions about homosexuality and sin in general.  I truly want to address these; however, that is another blog for another time.  To be honest, more than a blog post…a series.

In closing, I just want to say, as a gay-christian, (no oxymoron) I choose to live by grace.  Grace is a world of unanswered questions; a world full of wonder that drives us to seek answers. We become scrappy Christians, who wrestle and grapple to find answers, but at the end of the day, we still have to say, “I don’t know” and because of grace, that is okay.  Grace is, not knowing the answers while resting in peace.

In the past, the accusations, from well-meaning Christians-family and friends-would anger me and set me on the defensive.  I would think, “How dare they judge my relationship with God?”  That’s not, so much, my reaction anymore, instead, I am saddened by the fear, I know they feel.  I wish, there were a way, to draw back the curtains of my soul, so all concerned, could witness my relationship with God.  This, I know, is the only thing that would lay such fears to rest.


Yes Lord…but…I’m Gay

A Conversation with God 8/11/2016



Me:  God, as I tarried in your garden, I heard the words of a verse that has given me comfort for many years.

God:  And what words are they, my child?

Me:  They go something like this… “…everyone the Father gives Me will come to Me, and those who come to Me I will by no means cast out.”

God:  Ah yes…I remember exactly when they were first spoken.  My Son was teaching in the synagogue at Capernaum the very day after he had fed a great multitude of people some fish and bread.

(God pauses in thought)

God:  Seems like yesterday…

Me:  Uhm…I’m not quite sure when He said it, but those words have meant a lot to me in my life, even from early on.

God:  Tell me, child…how have they comforted you?

Me:   Well, sometimes I feel I’m not good enough…I mean, it seems I mess up all the time.

God:  All my children stumble…you are no different.

Me:  Yes, Lord…but…I’m gay…

God:  I know all things, my child.

Me:  Uhm…yes Lord but I’ve struggled with being gay since a little girl.  I kept it a secret from my family because I thought they wouldn’t love me if they knew.

God:  That could well be the case with man but with Me, there are no secrets and with Me there are no limits to my love.  I love you with an everlasting love.  I have called you, Lisa and in faith you came to me and believed.  Neither I nor Jesus will ever cast you away…and no one can ever pluck you from my hand.  My Son’s words were true thousands of years ago and they remain true today.  Trust me.

Me:  Yes, Lord…but…I’m gay…

God:  Lisa, I knew it before you knew it and still my words beckon you to come and drink freely from the water of Life.

Me:  Yes, but others say…

God:  But, what do I say?

Me:  I know Lord…but…

God:  My child, I called you and you came.  Remember my words, “Whosoever, shall call upon the name of the Lord, shall be saved.”  Lisa, whosoever means you, too.  Nothing can ever separate you from my Love.

Me:  God, can it really be that simple?

God:  I made it simple because I want all to come to me.  I loved the whole world so much that I gave my only Son, Jesus, and whoever believes in Him will never perish; instead, they will live forever.  Lisa, Jesus paid a heavy price to secure your salvation and because of what He sacrificed I will never no never turn you or anyone else away.

Me:  Lord, how can I even begin to thank you.

God:  Well, I never grow weary of your thanksgivings and praises.  They make me happy.  So go, live your life in grace and share the good news of my love with everyone.  ALL are welcome…no ifs, ands or buts.

(God smiles)

Me:  Lord, take my life and let it be all for you and for your glory.  Glory to you forever!


And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely. Revelation 22:17

All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out.  John 6:37

 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38-39

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.  John 3:16

…Not on my Deathbed…

Let my sentence come forth from thy presence…  (KJV)

Only you can say
    that I am innocent,
    because only your eyes
    can see the truth. (CEV)

Psalms 17:2


Death is right around the corner…maybe not the next corner but it’s surely waiting behind one of them.

Last week, I had a “scare.”  You know the ones…those that make you stare death in the face.  Well, I looked at it and chewed on it a bit, and this was one, of the many conclusions, I came to:  If it be true, I would not tell my estranged christian family.

“Why?” you may ask.  “Is it because you don’t want them to worry?”  No.  In a sense they already worry about me.  I wouldn’t tell them because I don’t want them flocking to my bedside to save me from the pits of hell.

You see…my family misunderstands me, my “lifestyle” and most important my relationship with God.

Here’s just a few things they believe to be true…

  • 1.  Satan has blinded my spiritual eyes.
  • 2.  This blindness has caused me choose the wrong path.
  • 3.  All are born sinners, but none can be born gay.
  • 4.  Therefore, I have “chosen” to be gay.
  • 5.  God has given me over to a reprobate mind.
  • 6.  I was never “truly” saved.
  • 7.  I am on my way to hell.
  • 8.  It is their mission to keep me from hell.
  • 9.  They must not associate with me so that I “will feel ashamed and turn back to the truth.”
  • 10.  By believing the preceding nine, they are loving me, the sinner, but hating the sin.


In the past, I’ve always felt  the need to “explain” my position.  Countless times I’ve rehearsed my spill; but I’m far…far beyond that, now.  I’ve realized that no amount of reasoning, no amount of “biblical interpretation” and no amount of scientific evidence would ever be enough to change their minds.  For them it’s either black or white, period…  “The bible says it, I believe it and that settles it.”

When facing someone with this mind-set there is no common ground where with to meet, let alone, to plead one’s case.  I’ve already been “righteously judged and righteously sentenced.”  However, after all these years, my knee-jerk reaction is to explain away the preceding ten.  Perhaps I should do just that in another blog, but that’s not the purpose of this one.

From reading Psalms 17, it seems most likely, David found himself in a similar situation. No, he wasn’t gay…(but his relationship with Jonathan did seem quite intimate)…but he too was misunderstood.  Those closest to David, had passed judgement and stood firm in their belief and would not compromise.

So what did David do…did he try to explain or justify his case?  No, not at all; instead he said this to God,  “Let my sentence come forth from Thy presence.”  or as it is interpreted in the Common English Version, “Only you can say that I am innocent, because only your eyes can see the truth.”  He also writes, “You have tested my heart; You have visited me in the night; You have tried me…”

David sought rest in his personal relationship with God, and that is what I must do.  No one can really see my truth.  No one truly knows my heart.  I was alone when God visited me in the darkest of all my nights. So, it is He, who will be my vindicator, and my sentence will come from Him.

Knowing this, does temper the pain of rejection, but it doesn’t take it away.  It’s a burden I struggle with daily, it is the cross I’m called to bear.  Jesus said, “Take up your cross and follow me…” he didn’t say it would be easy.

This passage and other bible verses, serve to bring comfort but they do “fix” the problem. Scripture, taken from here or taken from there, is not meant to be used as a switch to turn off our suffering.  God never gave us his Word to “make it all better.”  He gave us his Word so we wouldn’t have to walk alone.  He gave us his word to walk with us through  the pain and suffering.  He gave us his word for comfort, but not as a “quick fix.” He gave us his word to be Jesus, until the day we are physically in his presence.

In closing, I’d like to add that my “scare” seems to be just that, a scare. I’m not totally out of the woods, but let’s just say, there are very bright glimmers of hope, that all will be well.

When I do face my death, I want no “christian” at the bedside telling me what I need. I’m going to be holding God’s hand and the hand of the woman I love.  I will have no hand for them…not at my death bed.  (If they can’t hold my hand in life…why would I want them to hold it in death?)

Ultimately all will be known…until then we should all keep our judgments to our-self.

My Prayer:

My God, even… though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever…because of Jesus, amen.

(Part of the “Walk Through Psalms” series)

Lucy and Ethel

Us in Belize

(The following is my response to today’s prompt-Buddy.)

I’m so lucky my best friend is also my wife. We’re far from suave, polished and “high- falutin.”

Nah…that’s not even close to being us.

Paint us goofy, uncoordinated, and great eaters of shoe-leather; as we’ve mastered the art of “opening mouth and inserting foot.”

We’re a whole lot like Lucy and Ethel.

There’s nothing fancy about us.  What you see is what you get-sweatpants, sneakers and faded tees.  We are a simple kind of folk…not needing a lot to be content. We’re happy as larks, if there’s a fire in the fire-place, grilled cheeses in our hand and Seinfeld on our TV.

We’re just a couple of introverts, navigating a rather noisy world, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  She’s my partner-in-crime, my buddy, and the other half of me!

us in boston
Us in Boston


God Has Something to Say to the Hurting

Art by Alina Sliwinska

(Psalms 9/Paraphrased as if from God’s point of view) 

This morning, as I read Psalms chapter 9, a message began to form in my mind.  A message, I believe, to be from God.  A message, He wants all the hurting to hear. And so as I pondered over the verses I began to read it as if God, Himself, were talking and this is what He said to me…

“My dear one, you are my child.  Come to me and I will be your place of safety, and I’ll give you strength in this time trouble.  When you come to me, I will never abandon you.  I hear your cries of affliction and abuse.  I have seen how they despise and oppress you.  Far too many times you are overlooked and forgotten. I’ll never forget you and I’ll always surround you with mercy and grace.  Most of all, my dear child, have hope because one day all will be made right.  Soon I will arise from this throne, I will come; and I will deliver you.  Until that day, have hope and know you are loved.”

I hear the voice of God interwoven between the verses of Psalms 9.  He has so much to say to those of us who are hurting.  I take hope in knowing, he see’s every tear that falls from my eyes. He feels every pain from abandonment and every pain from loneliness.

Sometimes that pain leads me to such despair that I think death would be better.  It’s scary how often the pain can lead me there.  All  who have taken their life because those they love, despise who they are, I feel their pain.

 This is not an easy place to be, and when I am there I truly need the place of safety that God offers.  I need His strength.  I need to know;  He doesn’t abandon me.  I need to know I’m not someone He tries to “fit in” during special occasions and holidays.  I need to know I am not overlooked and forgotten. I need His mercy and grace; for without it I can’t go on.  I need to know, one day all will be right.  I need hope.

I must have hope for without it I die.

For everyone who finds themselves in this space, hear, again, what God wants to say to you…

“My dear one, you are my child. Come to me and I will be your place of safety, and I’ll give you strength in this time trouble. When you come to me, I will never abandon you. I hear your cries of affliction and abuse.  I have seen how they despise and oppress you. Far too many times you are overlooked and forgotten. I’ll never forget you and I’ll always surround you with mercy and grace. Most of all, my dear child, have hope because one day, all will be made right. Soon I will arise from this throne.  I will arise;  I will come;  I will deliver you.  Until that day, have hope and know you are loved.”

My Prayer:  Lord, thank you for knowing the hidden of places of my heart.  The places that hide the pain no one else sees.  Thank you for coming  into those places and abiding with me there.  Thank you,  when I’m lonely, I’m not alone;  when I’m overlooked, I’m not forgotten;  when I am despised, I am loved.  Lord, Let these words find place in the heart of someone who is hurting. Let them know they are not alone, and they are loved.  Give them hope, please Lord, I pray.  Amen.

(A publication in the “Walking Through Psalms” series”)

Personal note:  My apologies the for sharing such personal and raw emotions…however, I felt led to do so…

Be Loud Be Proud

The following is an excerpt from an article I wrote for RISE, my church.  It’s my reflection upon Shenandoah Valley’s First Pride festival.


I felt confident I could do it.  After all, they had said, “Just show up…hand out stickers…hand out freeze-pops…and no words required.”  “No words” appealed greatly to my introverted self, so Corinne (my wife) and I agreed to represent RISE at Harrisonburg’s first pride festival.

New to the area, we were both a bit apprehensive with the thought of attending a “pride” event.  It had only been a few of months since we had bid New England farewell and Harrisonburg ado.

New Hampshire treated us well as a couple, but we weren’t sure of the kind of reception we would receive once we crossed the Mason Dixon line.  It had been five years since the Bible-belt beating we took in North Carolina, but it was still painful and fresh in our minds.  However, due to finances and the promise of a new job, we had no choice but to lick our wounds, pack our fur babies and head south.

Growing up in an extremely conservative Christian home, we taught homosexuality was not only a sin but also an abomination which God hated.  We were also led to believe that the sinful “creepy-crawlies” came out of the woodwork during “pride” events.  And so with these lovely visions in our mind, we got out of our parked car and bravely headed toward the rainbow flags.

To our astonishment, the sinful “creepy-crawlies” had indeed come but instead of strutting around clad in colorful thongs, they marched around the perimeters waving homemade picket signs.   One of the signs had the words inscribed “Honk for Traditional Marriage”.  I had failed to see this particular sign, and so I smiled a waved at every horn blower, until one of my gay buddies set me straight (No pun intended).  Later I learned the self-righteous homophobes had crawled from the woodwork (church) from somewhere in Washington DC.

At the RISE booth we began handing out stickers and freeze pops.  The smiles were easily given but, as usual, my introverted self was quite conservative with the words.  However, the more I gazed into the eyes at the other end of the freeze pop, the more I saw myself.

I saw a child riddled with guilt for keeping a secret from the mother she loved, a teenager confused from her attraction to girls instead of boys and most painful of all someone separated from a God who failed to reciprocate her love.

My silence no longer seemed important.  I told my introverted self to take a hike, and I began to talk…talk and talk…  I couldn’t bring my awkward self to shut up about theacceptance and unconditional love freely offered at RISE every Sunday at exactly 10(ish).  I wanted everyone to experience the peace I had finally come to know in Christ.

Later, the following week, I was reading form the gospel of John and stumbled across words of Christ, which ironically, had been spoken at another festival some 2000 years ago.  He was so passionate about the message, John says that Jesus stood and cried out with a loud voice, “If anyone is thirsty, let them come to me and drink…I will never, no never, reject any one of them who comes to me…Therefore you are no longer outsiders but you now share citizenship with the saints…and you belong to God’s own household”.

Christ is still standing, and He’s still crying, and He wants us to stand with Him.  He wants us cry with Him. He wants our voices to be so loud they are heard all over the world and begs us not to stop until the voices of hate are overshadowed and heard no more.



Aren’t We All Sodomites?

angelWhen Corinne and I fell in love and decided to become a couple, one of her friends, supposedly a good christian, tapped his foot against the wall of Corinne’s office as if shaking the dust from his shoes.  This was done to represent his disapproval of our relationship.  In essence he was saying to us, “Since you choose to travel down the path of homosexuality, I want nothing more to do with you…I give up on you…I wash my hands of you…I turn my back on you.  I will not accept, receive or welcome you.”

Corinne and I both were raised in conservative christian homes so when her friend, lets call him “Jeff,” did this, we understood it to be in reference to Sodom and Gomorrah.  Supposedly Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed by fire and brimstone because of the sin of homosexuality.  The Bible, however, is clear in many passages, that the underlying sin of Sodom and Gomorrah was  pride and greed.  Now, I know some of my christian friends and family will brand me a heretic for saying this, but what does it matter…they’ve already branded me a reprobate doomed to hell.  Why not throw a little heresy into the mix…it can’t hurt if I’m already doomed. (Which I am not)

If you go back to the story of Sodom and Gomorrah you see that it is basically about two angels who go there to warn the righteous of God’s eminent destruction of the cities.  As they entered the city gate they were approached by a man named Lot, who without haste pleaded with them to stay the night in his home; however they refused his offer and stated they would sleep in the city square.  Lot wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Why, you may ask, was Lot so persistent?

Was he just a all-around good guy?  Not really.

Did he love entertaining?  There’s no record to prove that true.

Perhaps he was looking for husbands for his daughters?  Not likely…he didn’t even like his daughters.  They were mere property thus expendable, as you will see later in the story.

No, it was none of these admirable reasons for Lot’s persistence.  Lot was a aware of the evil, violence and immorality that ran rampant within Sodom and Gomorrah’s darkened streets, and it was for this reason “he pressed upon them greatly” to stay with him. (Genesis 19:3, KJV)

As the story continues to unfold into the night, we are told “the men of the city…compassed the house, both young and old, ALL the people from every quarter.”   And so this mass of men, even the young boys, beat upon Lot’s door demanding to have sex with the two men.

I firmly believe Lot knew this would happen and so he previously formed a back up plan with the hope it would appease the violent mob.  His plan?  Lot offers his two virgin daughters saying, “I have two daughters who have never slept with a man before. I will give my daughters to you. You can do anything you want with them.” (Genesis 19:8)

Now, call me crazy, but to me, the sin which slaps you in the face, reeks more of violence and rape than that of homosexuality.  Think about it…if all the men where homosexuals and were there to satisfy their lust, why would Lot offer them his virgin daughters?  AND what of Lot offering up his daughters!  How much more deprived or evil can one be than to hand your daughters over to not one man but ALL the men of the city to be raped!

May I suggest there are multiple evil sins running rampant within the streets of Sodom and Gomorrah, so why only focus on homosexuality?  Men rape men today in times of war as a means  proving their dominance not their desire of homosexuality.  It is considered the spoils of war…and their right to demean the enemy…even to the point of calling them women or pussies, if you will.

Anyway…back to “Jeff” shaking off the dust of his feet.  He arrogantly assumed himself to be doing the “christian thing” that he himself was dutifully following the very command of Jesus Christ.

Why does he presume this?

Well, in three of the four gospels, Jesus gathers his disciples and sends them out by twos and tells them to, “Go to the lost, confused people… Tell them that the kingdom is here. Bring health to the sick. Raise the dead. Touch the untouchables. Kick out the demons. You have been treated generously, so live generously.”

After giving this command, Jesus further tells them, “if any community will not receive and accept and welcome you, and they refuse to listen to you, when you depart, shake off the dust that is on your feet, for a testimony against them. Truly, I tell you, it will be more tolerable for Sodom and Gomorrah in the judgment day than for that town.” (Mark 6:11, AMP)

Three times, in three gospels, Jesus tells them to “shake the dust off of your feet” for these three reasons…

…if they will not receive, accept and welcome… (Matthew 10:14 AMP)

…if they will not receive, accept and welcome.… (Mark 6:11 AMP)

…if they will not receive, accept and welcome… (Luke 9:5 AMP)

Almost 600 years before the birth of Christ the prophet Ezekiel writes, “The sin of your sister Sodom was this: She lived with her daughters in the lap of luxury—proud, gluttonous, and lazy.  They ignored the oppressed and the poor. They put on airs and lived obscene lives. And you know what happened: I did away with them.”  (Ezekiel 16:49)  In reference to this Joyce Meyer writes, “Sodom and Gomorrah are usually known for their sexual sin, but we see in Ezekiel 16:49 that God actually considered other sins to be the root of all their problems.”

Did immorality (homosexual AND heterosexual) run rampant in the streets and alley ways of Sodom and Gomorrah? Without a doubt, as did rape, violence, pride, gluttony, laziness, pedophilia, (Why else would young boys be among the men at Lot’s door?) utter rejection of the poor, the orphans, the oppressed and yes, the stranger.

Which out of all these sins did Jesus reference when he instructed his disciples to shake off the dust?  According to three of the four gospels it was only  “…if they will not receive, accept and welcome…” not because of homosexual desire.

Back to the scene in Corinne’s office, almost ten years ago. Who in that room most clearly resents the Sodomite?   Who in that room is the one who refuses to “receive, accept and welcome?”   Is it the gay person or the christian?

I will say today without apology, we are all Sodomites!

Haven’t we all committed the sin of pride, gluttony, laziness, immorality and violence?  Not a single one of us stand guilt free of shunning the  needy, poor, orphaned, mentally ill, sick, diseased, dirty, smelly, or immigrant.  (Yes, I said immigrant)

I’ve always been taught to be very careful how you judge, for with that same judgement, you will be judged.

Whenever you feel the need to point your finger, remember, your finger always…always points back to you.

You Have To Let It Go

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Happily Ever After.”

“And they lived happily ever after.” Think about this line for a few minutes. Are you living happily ever after? If not, what will it take for you to get there?

evil-eyeI am a strange sort of person.  I’m not sure when this knowledge first resonated…?  I’ve felt the odd one, even as a child.  Perhaps I’ve always known. I’ve always felt lonely.

No one’s company ever whisked this loneliness away.  Oh yes, it was dulled, while in the presence of those I love; my family, my friends, but especially my pets.

Cats seemed to do it best.  A flee-ridden kitten, a scraggly stray, wandered my way.  Her soft purrs, twitchy whiskers, and knowing eyes captivated the heart of this little girl.  We connected and it felt good.  I named her Fluffy.  I never wanted her to go away, so I put her in a box so she wouldn’t flee.

After answering my mother’s bidding I eagerly returned to the box to find it empty.  Fluffy was gone…she had escaped.   In my mind I often envision that sad little girl, standing alone, as evening fell, calling out for Fluffy.  “Fluffy…Fluffy…come her girl…  Fluffy…”  No answer…

Now, as an adult, I realize it was wrong to lock Fluffy in the box.  My intentions were kind, and I had only wanted to captivate the happiness I felt. I never wanted it to go away.  I  held too tightly and in doing so I lost it.  I never saw Fluffy again.

Fluffy was indeed a God-send.  She taught me a lesson that I would have to relearn a few more times in life.  Sherrilyn Kenyon summed up Fluffy’s lesson quite well in her novel “Unleash The Night:”  ” If you love something, set it free.  If it comes back it was, and always will be yours.  If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.”

Paradox?  Yes, most definitely!  But the only way to keep your “Happily Ever After” is to let it go.


Epilogue: I finally found my true “Happy Ever After” when I met my love, Corinne.  I finally felt free to be me.  We connected then and are still connected 9 years later.  I feel no loneliness with her.

(Perhaps she is Fluffy reincarnated…just kidding!)