“God Kills Gay People…”

562312_10202549229916967_277776572_n
Luna Demands Attention with her Gigantic Paws!

 It almost never fails.  Soon after I take a seat at my desktop to write, Luna, the nemesis gracing the headline of this blog, comes and plants herself in the center of my chest, gazes at me with demanding eyes and taps the side of my face with her gigantic polydactyl paws.

I used to be one of these writers that believed when inspiration “hit” you’d better write it down quickly before it slips away.  I no longer subscribe to that idea.   I’ve found if the general idea is of any worth it lodges itself in my psyche and patiently awaits for my retrieval.  However, it is good to have paper and pencil in hand to jot down the random ideas that pop into my head, but I don’t feel the pressure to rush to my desktop to write like a mad woman before the well of inspiration runs dry.  Later, when I sit to write I glance at my scribbled scratches and the ideas materialize and become a creative energy that blossoms like a rose.

As a writer, I’ve learned to rely upon this creative energy, and so I don’t panic when Luna jumps into my lap for love.  I may become impatient, and if I do I remind myself that this little creature finds joy in my presence.  My heart warms at the thought, so I hold her in my arms, and talk to her like a doting mother would talk to her baby, and I am filled with joy.

Isn’t it amazing how joy can be found in something so simple?

What a concept!  It’s so simple that most of the time we overlook and even bypass those things that contain great nuggets of joy.

The disciples of Jesus were guilty of this.

One day, some two thousand years ago, Jesus was teaching in the region of Judea beyond the river Jordan.  The Pharisees came and asked him a trick question hoping to trip him up. Jesus was in the throes of this important conversation when a group of parents attempted to bring their children for his blessing.

His well-meaning disciples told them not to bother Jesus with such trivial matters…after all, he had a theology to debate, sick to heal, and souls to save.  But, Jesus looked up from these “important tasks” to witnesses the children being turned away.  I’m sure he noticed their disappointed faces.  Surely, the children felt rejected by Jesus, even though it had been his disciples that turned them away.  No doubt the children faces were streaked with tears from the hurt of his rejection.  Jesus, they thought, was too busy and had no time for mere children.  Seeing what was happening, Jesus became angry at his disciples and he called out (I believe with a loud voice)…

“Let the children come to me.  Don’t stop them!  For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children.”

Can you relate to these children?  Do you feel Jesus is too busy for you?  Perhaps you feel his rejection because of “this sin” or “that sin” you may harbor in your life.  Have you felt the judgment of others and mistakenly believed it to be God’s judgment as well?

Once, many years ago, a “well-meaning man of God,” warned me of God’s imminent judgment.  I can still hear his voice saying…

“God is going to kill you.  It may not be today and it may not be tomorrow but mark my words, if you don’t repent of your sin of lesbianism, He will kill you.” 

I remember that night well.  I was standing in my kitchen with the phone to my ear hearing his words…

“God hasn’t told me to stop praying for you, yet…but when he does I’ll know it’s time to get in my car and head south in order to attend your funeral.”

As I listened to his words, I became just like the children who had been turned away by Jesus’s disciples.  Tears streaked my face and the darkness of God’s rejection shook me to the core.  For days and weeks afterward, I was paranoid, carefully watching for some wayward driver careening out of control, and on a collision course for me and my little Toyota Tercel.  In time and through my constant faith in a loving God, my fears eventually subsided and gave way to a peace I didn’t understand.

As a Christian lesbian, I look back upon the unsure days of my “coming out” and realize Jesus’s presence was with me through all the tears and sleepless nights.  Just as he did to the rejected children, Jesus beckoned me to come, and he took me in his arms, placed his hands upon my head, and gave me the blessing of his unconditional love.

There are so many “religious folk” who still worry about my eternal soul, and to them, I’d like to say that my relationship with Jesus is far sweeter…far closer than it ever was when I was living a lie as a straight Christian.  There is no comparison.

Friends, Jesus is not too busy for you.  He longs for you to come to him like a child.  He doesn’t care if your face is dirty or if your knees are skint, he opens his arms to ALL of his children…and that includes you, wherever you find yourself to be.

Relationships with God are meant to be as simple as cuddling with your kitten.  There is no contract to read or sign.

No Ph.D. is required.

Go to him with child-like faith, and He will open his arms and never reject you.

Great Joy is found in the Simplicity of His Love.

***

"You may pet me now."

Restore to me again the joy of your salvation… (David)

However, those the Father has given me will come to me, and I will never reject them.  (Jesus)

***

Daily Addictions:  Gigantic 

 

Advertisements

Yes Lord…but…I’m Gay

A Conversation with God 8/11/2016

p54b

 

Me:  God, as I tarried in your garden, I heard the words of a verse that has given me comfort for many years.

God:  And what words are they, my child?

Me:  They go something like this… “…everyone the Father gives Me will come to Me, and those who come to Me I will by no means cast out.”

God:  Ah yes…I remember exactly when they were first spoken.  My Son was teaching in the synagogue at Capernaum the very day after he had fed a great multitude of people some fish and bread.

(God pauses in thought)

God:  Seems like yesterday…

Me:  Uhm…I’m not quite sure when He said it, but those words have meant a lot to me in my life, even from early on.

God:  Tell me, child…how have they comforted you?

Me:   Well, sometimes I feel I’m not good enough…I mean, it seems I mess up all the time.

God:  All my children stumble…you are no different.

Me:  Yes, Lord…but…I’m gay…

God:  I know all things, my child.

Me:  Uhm…yes Lord but I’ve struggled with being gay since a little girl.  I kept it a secret from my family because I thought they wouldn’t love me if they knew.

God:  That could well be the case with man but with Me, there are no secrets and with Me there are no limits to my love.  I love you with an everlasting love.  I have called you, Lisa and in faith you came to me and believed.  Neither I nor Jesus will ever cast you away…and no one can ever pluck you from my hand.  My Son’s words were true thousands of years ago and they remain true today.  Trust me.

Me:  Yes, Lord…but…I’m gay…

God:  Lisa, I knew it before you knew it and still my words beckon you to come and drink freely from the water of Life.

Me:  Yes, but others say…

God:  But, what do I say?

Me:  I know Lord…but…

God:  My child, I called you and you came.  Remember my words, “Whosoever, shall call upon the name of the Lord, shall be saved.”  Lisa, whosoever means you, too.  Nothing can ever separate you from my Love.

Me:  God, can it really be that simple?

God:  I made it simple because I want all to come to me.  I loved the whole world so much that I gave my only Son, Jesus, and whoever believes in Him will never perish; instead, they will live forever.  Lisa, Jesus paid a heavy price to secure your salvation and because of what He sacrificed I will never no never turn you or anyone else away.

Me:  Lord, how can I even begin to thank you.

God:  Well, I never grow weary of your thanksgivings and praises.  They make me happy.  So go, live your life in grace and share the good news of my love with everyone.  ALL are welcome…no ifs, ands or buts.

(God smiles)

Me:  Lord, take my life and let it be all for you and for your glory.  Glory to you forever!

***

And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely. Revelation 22:17

All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out.  John 6:37

 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38-39

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.  John 3:16

…Not on my Deathbed…

Let my sentence come forth from thy presence…  (KJV)

Only you can say
    that I am innocent,
    because only your eyes
    can see the truth. (CEV)

Psalms 17:2

don't_judge._you_don-115752

Death is right around the corner…maybe not the next corner but it’s surely waiting behind one of them.

Last week, I had a “scare.”  You know the ones…those that make you stare death in the face.  Well, I looked at it and chewed on it a bit, and this was one, of the many conclusions, I came to:  If it be true, I would not tell my estranged christian family.

“Why?” you may ask.  “Is it because you don’t want them to worry?”  No.  In a sense they already worry about me.  I wouldn’t tell them because I don’t want them flocking to my bedside to save me from the pits of hell.

You see…my family misunderstands me, my “lifestyle” and most important my relationship with God.

Here’s just a few things they believe to be true…

  • 1.  Satan has blinded my spiritual eyes.
  • 2.  This blindness has caused me choose the wrong path.
  • 3.  All are born sinners, but none can be born gay.
  • 4.  Therefore, I have “chosen” to be gay.
  • 5.  God has given me over to a reprobate mind.
  • 6.  I was never “truly” saved.
  • 7.  I am on my way to hell.
  • 8.  It is their mission to keep me from hell.
  • 9.  They must not associate with me so that I “will feel ashamed and turn back to the truth.”
  • 10.  By believing the preceding nine, they are loving me, the sinner, but hating the sin.

 

In the past, I’ve always felt  the need to “explain” my position.  Countless times I’ve rehearsed my spill; but I’m far…far beyond that, now.  I’ve realized that no amount of reasoning, no amount of “biblical interpretation” and no amount of scientific evidence would ever be enough to change their minds.  For them it’s either black or white, period…  “The bible says it, I believe it and that settles it.”

When facing someone with this mind-set there is no common ground where with to meet, let alone, to plead one’s case.  I’ve already been “righteously judged and righteously sentenced.”  However, after all these years, my knee-jerk reaction is to explain away the preceding ten.  Perhaps I should do just that in another blog, but that’s not the purpose of this one.

From reading Psalms 17, it seems most likely, David found himself in a similar situation. No, he wasn’t gay…(but his relationship with Jonathan did seem quite intimate)…but he too was misunderstood.  Those closest to David, had passed judgement and stood firm in their belief and would not compromise.

So what did David do…did he try to explain or justify his case?  No, not at all; instead he said this to God,  “Let my sentence come forth from Thy presence.”  or as it is interpreted in the Common English Version, “Only you can say that I am innocent, because only your eyes can see the truth.”  He also writes, “You have tested my heart; You have visited me in the night; You have tried me…”

David sought rest in his personal relationship with God, and that is what I must do.  No one can really see my truth.  No one truly knows my heart.  I was alone when God visited me in the darkest of all my nights. So, it is He, who will be my vindicator, and my sentence will come from Him.

Knowing this, does temper the pain of rejection, but it doesn’t take it away.  It’s a burden I struggle with daily, it is the cross I’m called to bear.  Jesus said, “Take up your cross and follow me…” he didn’t say it would be easy.

This passage and other bible verses, serve to bring comfort but they do “fix” the problem. Scripture, taken from here or taken from there, is not meant to be used as a switch to turn off our suffering.  God never gave us his Word to “make it all better.”  He gave us his Word so we wouldn’t have to walk alone.  He gave us his word to walk with us through  the pain and suffering.  He gave us his word for comfort, but not as a “quick fix.” He gave us his word to be Jesus, until the day we are physically in his presence.

In closing, I’d like to add that my “scare” seems to be just that, a scare. I’m not totally out of the woods, but let’s just say, there are very bright glimmers of hope, that all will be well.

When I do face my death, I want no “christian” at the bedside telling me what I need. I’m going to be holding God’s hand and the hand of the woman I love.  I will have no hand for them…not at my death bed.  (If they can’t hold my hand in life…why would I want them to hold it in death?)

Ultimately all will be known…until then we should all keep our judgments to our-self.

My Prayer:

My God, even… though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever…because of Jesus, amen.

(Part of the “Walk Through Psalms” series)