(I should apologize for the following blog as it is raw and unedited… as are my emotions.  Therefore it seemed ridiculous to go through and make corrections…this is how feel unedited and raw…) (forgive me)

I was floored this morning from a text.

Just as usual I got up to get my coffee going.  I looked at my phone fully charged on the kitchen counter, and saw I had a text.  Curious, of course, I picked it up and touched the green logo with the white cloud.

Someone who had helped me through one of the most difficult times of my life had been murdered.

My heart sank, and I think I went into a mode of disbelief.  I didn’t cry, but I felt so sick to my stomach.  I felt like a zombie as I pulled up information from the internet of this dear lady’s last moments of life.  Corinne, my wife, got up and walked down the hallway, peeped her head in the doorway, and asked me what I was working on.

I told her the horrible news, and she cried like a baby.

What the hell was wrong with me????

I couldn’t cry.

I felt like a clueless zombie…I sat like an idiot, and watched my wife cry.

All day I sat, and my mind couldn’t stop thinking of the horrific news.  The news sat and incubated within my mind.  I just could not believe it.

Finally at about 5 pm it smacked me between the eyes…and I cried…

Dear Dr Alford, I’m so sorry for what you went through.  I wish I could take it back…I wish I could kill the son-of-a-bitches that did this to you, before hand.  If I had only known I would have, it would have felt so damn good.

I guess it’s foolish to think in such terms.  No one can turn back the hands of time.

If only I could.

Thank you, dear lady for helping Corinne and I during one of the most horrific times of our lives.  When the community wanted chase us out of town…when I had death threats upon my life…when Corinne lost the practice she loved dearly…you were our anchor.

You opened your arms, and gave us a safe place to be.  You opened your arms and you celebrated the love Corinne and I had for each other, when everyone else despised it.

I’m not sure if I told you just how much your counsel meant, but dear lady…it was everything…it kept me from committing suicide…as well as Corinne.

I love you, Dr Alford.

I hope you are at rest with Jesus.

I look forward to the day when I can tell you, how much you mean to me… face to face.

***

Incubate