In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Land of Confusion.”
Okay folks, here’s the question: Which subject in school did you find impossible to master? Did math give you hives? Did English make you scream? Do tell!
Math never gave me hives but I can say it taught me how to count on my fingers. It’s amazing how well they go together–math and fingers. They’re sort of like Bonnie and Clyde minus the muscle car. (Notice the math terminology)
I will say each one of my ten go to the “gym” on a regular basis, especially around April 15th. They tackle those damn tax forms like a NFL player on speed. In fact they exert so much energy, that if possible, each phalange would have its very own sexy six pack. Hmmmm…maybe I should teach math to my belly…
English never made me scream. Actually it had quite the opposite affect, it made me sleep like a baby. The “I’s” before the “E’s” except after the “C’s”… Little ditties of this nature only served to produce a massive network of cobwebs within my mind. I liked to think of it as my zombie brain. I literally felt like the walking (sitting) dead. The only thing that even attempted to cure this plight was laying my red head on the desk and sleeping it off. For some reason none of my teachers understood and often became quite irritated when I did this.
I’m afraid, as a child, English was dead to me. It stayed that way for longest time until one Saturday morning I turned on the television and was introduced to a school called House of Rock. I sat dumbfounded in front of the screen and all I could think was, “Oh my God…so this is what the wind-bags were trying to tell me….”
After that awakening I became a diligent student. Not only did l learn of nouns, verbs, and conjunctions but also of The Declaration of Independence, The American Revolution, The Boston Tea Party, Immigration in America, and how bills become laws with the classic, “I’m just a Bill.” (Hmmmm…is it just me or does anyone else think Congress could benefit from that last one?) The plethora of information was almost limitless and it’s presentation was fabulous. Everything I needed to know to be successful I learned from Saturday morning TV. School House Rock was all I needed.
(Of course this was written, tongue-in-cheek. I had some of the best teachers in the world…they weren’t wind-bags at all)