How far would you drive and how much would you pay to “Maximize” your life? Well, it turns out; I would drive 53 miles and pay exactly $65.95 x 2. Concord, New Hampshire would soon be hosting Jillian Michaels and her “Maximize Your Life 2014” tour. I was so excited the see the drill Sargent from the biggest looser and anxious to soak up her advice on just how to maximize my “stuck in a rut” existence. (For details about my rut read previous blog “Stuck in a Rut”)
Last Saturday, Corinne and I hopped into the cab of my Tacoma. (Note to self: Order and purchase side step… Corinne needs help with her hop) Midnight had consumed a tank full of premium octane and her freshly washed exterior glimmered under a New England Winter’s sun. Okay…technically it’s Spring but mother nature either didn’t get the memo or she’s decided to celebrate April’s Fool a bit early this year! Not only that, she was preparing to flip us the proverbial middle finger by sending an “explosive cyclogenesis.” You may ask, “What the hell is that?” Well, according to our well informed meteorologists it is quite simply a freaking snow bomb; a cyclone that intensifies and dumps a load of snow upon the dwellers down below…which just happens to include “moi.” However, as fate would have it, this freak of nature went further out to sea, taking its snow with it. Hooray for the fish! Mark Twain was wise indeed when he said, “If you don’t like the weather in New England now, just wait a few minutes!” Anyway…back to the quest of maximizing your life. Exercise guru, Jillian Michaels knew the secret and promised to deliver.
Corinne and I went inside the Capital Center for the Arts building, bought a tee shirt, a diet coke, a beer and then secured our seats which were located very close to the stage. SWEET…GOOD SEATS! The rest of the one thousand seekers meandered into the auditorium filling every seat in the house. I smiled at my fellow “rut dwellers” and felt an overwhelming sense of comradery. We were all in the same drifting boat awaiting our orders from Captain Michaels. Jillian did not disappoint! She was the same “kick-butt, in your face, move your ass or get out of my gym” love bug we’d all come to adore. She delivered her message with sass and wit that kept the audience rolling with laughter. She recommended doing everything fast except for sex and with that she advised all five men in the audience to, “Slow that shit down!” Not wanting to ignore her male fans she further pointed out this scientific fact: For every thirty pounds lost their member would grow an extra inch! How’s THAT for motivation!
“Janice her trusty side-kick from, “The Jillian Michaels Podcast” (I highly recommend this podcast. It can be downloaded for free from ITunes) joined her later in the show and the one-to-one interaction with the audience commenced. This dynamic duo wielded information and motivation like swords. Batman and Robin (Xena and Gabrielle) would have been gasping to keep up! After all was said and done it was finally time to unveil the secret. The very secret the audience of a thousand had paid to hear and the same one I’m going to give you, my readers, free of charge. The magic formula is… are you ready for it? The solution to becoming a better you…DRUM ROLL PLEASE…IIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSS: Eat less and move more. BATTER-BOOM-BATTER-BANG!
Of course, it goes without saying, everyone in the audience, including myself, intrinsically knew this to be the answer but, DAMN, it felt so good to have our hero scream it to our faces. We were comforted in the knowledge that she too had struggled with weight issues and were assured that if she could do it then so to could we! No, Jillian didn’t say much I didn’t already know, (Except for the grow an inch thingy) but the motivation that was dished out was absolutely delicious. The presentation was superb and the high each one left with was intoxicating! It was worth every dang penny I paid and then some! I can’t say enough good about Jillian Michaels.
If she comes to an area close by, you truly owe it to yourself to go and enjoy!